精選答案感覺你的邏輯不是很清楚啊~~我只是改了改語法上的但覺得你整篇的結(jié)構(gòu)還需要調(diào)整一下，然後，有些詞句盡量使用書面一些的。

The University of Hong Kong, which I have dreamed for years, is a great place for me to broaden my vision. I can learn from the wisest experts in HKU. Moreover, HKU provides students with lots of international exchange opportunities. I dislike just reading books. I think interests are the best teachers. (不喜歡讀書跟興趣是最好的老師有什麼關(guān)系？) HKU can provide (重復(fù)) me a stage to learn what I like, teach me what I cannot acquire from the books, and help me to realize my dreams.

I want to learn engineering in the HKU. In my opinion, engineering is a subject to help people work more effectively, help society run more smoothly and help the world move forward. I think commanding (如果有名詞就不要用動(dòng)名詞) is a technology that I have the ability to study well and find relevant jobs after graduation. In high school, I worked hard to study the basic science knowledge because I enjoy a feeling of discovering the truth. I think I have the ability to live well in Hong Kong. Used to live in my boarding school, I can live well independently. (在講專業(yè)突然又到了生活，有些奇怪)


Concerning the future, if admitted to HKU, I will study more hard and practice my English more often, trying my best to make some achievements in my major. (可以再具體地說一點(diǎn)，或者跟前面有點(diǎn)聯(lián)系，不僅僅是學(xué)習(xí)）